To my son. Nicholas.
I write this as a Father. Until you have a son of your own, you will never know what that means. You will never know the joy beyond joy, the love beyond feeling that resonates in the heart of a father as he looks upon his son. You will never know the sense of honor that makes a man want to be more than he is and pass on something good and hopeful into the hands of his son. And you will never know the heartbreak of the fathers who are haunted by the personal demons that keep them from being the men they want their sons to see. You will only see the man that stands before you, or who has left your life, who exerts power over you- for good or ill-that will never let go.
It is a great privilege and a great burden to be that man. There is something that must be passed from father to son, or it is never passed as clearly. It is a sense of manhood, of self-worth, of responsibility to the world around us.
And yet, how to put it in words? We live in a time when it is hard to speak from the heart. Our lives are smothered by a thousand trivialities, and the poetry of our spirits are silenced by the thoughts and cares of daily affairs. The song that lives in our
hearts, the song that we have waited to share, the song of being a man, is silent. We find ourselves full of advice but void of belief.And so I want to speak to you honestly. I do not have answers. But I do understand the questions.
I, too, have learned to walk, to run, to fall. I have had a first love. I have known fear, anger and sadness. My heart has been broken and I have known moments when the hand of A God seemed to be on my shoulder. I have wept tears of sorrow and tears of joy.There have been times of darkness and I thought I would never again see light and there have been times when I wanted to dance, and sing, and hug every one around me. I have felt myself emptied into the mysteries of the universe, and I have had moments when the smallest slight threw me into a rage.
I have carried others when I barely had the strength to walk myself. and I have had moments when I left others by the side of the road with their hands outstretched for help. Sometimes I feel I have done more than anyone can ask; other times I feel I am a charlatan and a failure. I carry within me the spark of greatness and the darkness of heartless crimes.
In short, I am a man, as are you. Although you will walk your own earth and move through your own time, the same sun will rise on you that rose on me, and the same seasons will course across your life as moved across mine. We will always be different, but we will always be the same.
This is my attempt to give you the lessons of my life, so that you can use them in yours. They are not meant to make you into me. It will be my greatest joy to watch you become yourself. But time reveals truths, and these truths are greater than either of us. If I can give them a voice in a way that allows me to walk beside you during your days than I have done well. To be your father is the greatest honor I have ever received. It has allowed me to touch mystery for a moment, and to see my love made flesh. If I could have but one wish, it would be for you to pass that love along. After all there is not much more to life than that.
The above writing was writen by Justin himself to his son.
